The Ego

Found this here: http://www.realmagick.com/human-ego/ Thought it was perfect.

So, so far I’ve taken this blogging thing, too seriously, not that I’ve even touched this blog in ages. I have three half finished blogs sitting in my dashboard, one is an ode to Anita Roddick, which I probably just won’t be happy with untill it’s a book about everything awesome about her :P another one is a collection of ideas about ideas called IDEAS!! haha and the other one is an old updated goals list which I should delete. There’s a saying that if you want to get something done, don’t tell people what your goals are. Which is true, because they’ve done studies on this and you get satisfaction, just from the announcement that you’re going to be doing these great things, feel very accomplished, and then don’t do as much work to actually make them happen.

So goals is a bad thing to blog about. I want to be a bit more candid though. I’ve made the effort to do this before but I still apologize for things for no really good reason and worry whenever I want to say something about gender or anything that can be unpleasant to talk about. Myself, in person, I’m always extremely candid. I think that’s a good thing. Some people are really good at getting down to the nitty gritty though, I really admire that. Like this guy. LOVE that blog.

I was having dinner with my friend Jen last week and she was talking about a blog post she wrote recently on her lunch breat at work where she suddenly had an urgent idea for a blog and had to get the idea out. Like she says in the post she didn’t even edit it. I’ve been writing songs and poems in my diary for as long as I can remember and the best ones are just when I can’t even control what’s coming out of me and I have no idea where it came from but I HAD TO write it down.

I had a similar experience at 5:30 am last night when I couldn’t get to sleep, and made this Facebook note about ego. I don’t worry about being professional on Facebook, but that’s why I enjoy making notes on there. It’s no sweat. I should do that more here. Cut out the EGO :P and just lose myself in the flow of expression :) So here’s my poem/ Facebook note about the ego :)

I can’t sleep cuz I drank caffeine at 9pm and my ego was bothering me when I went to bed, so I went for my diary to get it out but I didn’t want to get up to turn on the light so I put it in a note on my windows phone and now I’m sharing it. Tada! Lol I rhyme a lot like Dr. Seus when I’m sleepy, I think :P .

The ego

The ego shocks
The ego toils
The ego struggles and
The ego boils
The ego pricks
The ego’s scared
It cares what you think
But it just won’t share
The ego’s high
The ego’s low
Won’t go near that other person
Who’s only so-so
The ego wants
The ego lies
The ego shouts
and will tell you not to cry
The ego doubts
The ego compares
The ego discriminates
The ego tears
The ego spies
The ego’s sly
The ego never feels it has
Enough to get by
The ego plans
And the ego sees
All the things you need to be
Before you’re complete

It needs to hear your compliments
It needs to get your text
It needs to just ignore that girl
Who’s swooning while it flexed
It needs to take precautions
It needs to have a goal
It needs to keep it’s fitness up
It needs to have control

The ego’s a great big bottomless hole
The ego’s a cold shoulder an idea you stole.
It is only happy when it’s on the tip top but can plummet you down to an infinite drop.
If ever you’re feeling it’s sting in this place, running the rat race at a perilous pace. Remember to stop and to fall on your knees to feel from your heart and to hear out it’s plea, to remember compassion, surrender, and grace, that you were a child once, with mud on your face.

Every thing that I’m feeling, is just something that you’ve felt too, every peice that is inside me is another peice of you. We can change it, rearrange it, pass that stranger on the street. We can dress it up or dress it down, and make it look discrete. But if ever you’re without that and it makes you want to hide, recognize it cuz it’s dangerous, a little thing called pride.

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What I love about being a software developer

A developer I met on twitter told me to check out this article a while ago on the benefits of being a female software engineer.  http://bit.ly/fKUMpK  I enjoyed it, but had a few varying opinions so I thought I’d first give my personal list of the things I love about being a developer, and then also some positives about being a woman in the field.

Things I Love About Being a Developer

Feeling like I have the power to build anything

We’re so bombarded with new technology all the time that I think we sometimes take for granted the magic of it. As a programmer, almost ironically, I feel like I get to live in constant awe of this magic. I’ve always been a creative person. I started writing songs and poetry in grade 2 and still do, got pretty good at drawing in middle/HS, and even thought for a while that I might try taking up woodworking in post secondary. The spirit of creation is the midnight oil that keeps programmers glued to their monitors into the wee hours. Having the ability to create programs you can use as tools just blows my mind. If you think it looks boring sitting behind a computer, just remember that’s exactly where you’d be if you were editing that music video in Final Cut Pro, or writing your famous blog that’ll be made into a TV series, or putting together parts for a song with GarageBand, but you wouldn’t be able to do any of those things on that computer without programmers! MAGIC!! :O

Seeing my creations work/do something I wanted to accomplish

Building a program is fun, but using it after or seeing people use and appreciate it is even more rewarding. If you’ve created a piece of software that works well and looks nice, just seeing the fruits of your labor on your own screen is enough to make you do a happy dance, if that is you’re nerdy/cool enough to do something like that *brushes shoulder off* :P

Making an algorithm that’s just that much better than the other guy’s

Now if you’re not competitive you can still enjoy programing for a lot of other reasons, and just because you don’t have the fastest most elegant solution for something does not mean you won’t be a successful programmer (not at all!), but for myself, I can get competitive sometimes :P . Especially when it comes to challenging projects or assignments. I’m not proud of this one but I know I’m not the only one who enjoys this. When the guys are talking about their solutions for an assignment like “Oh yeah I used a priority queue, and my algorithm does this. Runs faster than most of the other programs apparently. What’d you use?” I love when I can respond with something like. “Oh yeah that’s cool. I used one too but my recursive function cuts off early and uses a shortcut if the player isn’t being blocked, to score faster, which happens most of the time if it’s running against random players, so it ended up working in like half the time after I did that :D ” If you’re a good sport a little friendly competition can be fun :D I don’t want to make programing look harder than it is right now though, so for anyone reading this who isn’t sure if they’d be good at programing just try it and if you don’t like a language try another one. Some of the terminology used to describe it can make it look difficult but, it’s way easier than it seems, and not everyone who is good at programing likes the more challenging problems, but they’re still every bit as good of a programmer, and they end up being every bit as successful. So many opportunities are there for you if you have this special skill so I want to encourage everyone to try it. Especially more GIRLS! Still, if you’re bright and enjoy a challenge there are career paths you can take and courses you can take that can give you a lot of that :) Feeling kick-ass for solving a difficult problem is just a job perk worth mentioning. If you enjoy solving puzzle games and things like that, or you enjoy math or physics, you might want to check out programing, you’ll probably fall in love with it.

Salary

Computer science students, make on average anywhere from 16 to 18 bucks an hour for their first summer jobs during school, and then it can get up to 23 an hour by the time you graduate. Now this varies greatly depending on a lot of things and these are only my estimates based on what I’ve gathered from friends and acquaintances, so if you’re a student reading this, and it’s not your story, don’t worry! Even if you graduate with no work experience you still have a very marketable skill, and probably a great career ahead of you. I just had my first computer science job at the start of this school year (4th year) and now continuing into the summer my salary has gone up. I started late, I never really went after an IT job until last summer when I was coming out of third year, and I started late for the summer so I ended up giving up and waitressing, but I’m making more now than I was waitressing, I have a steady job 5 days a week, and I pinch myself because although I did enjoy my service job, getting paid more than I was hustling tables to do what I love already in my first job is a dream come true. :) If you give up on finding a summer job, just don’t give up on the career. It can feel daunting if people around you have jobs in the field and you’re late for the party(how I felt with my guy friends who almost all had IT jobs since 1st or 2nd year), but even working for free for a startup can be one of the most enriching experiences, and can be worth much more to you in the end than getting paid anything if you want to even try that. It’s not all about the money, but the money is there to be made. Again LADIES! There need to more ladies in my field getting in on this!

Being an expert/ respect

I have limited experience in the field, but from what I can tell there is a lot of respect in the work force amongst developers for each-other, especially if they all bring something different to the table, it’s all “Oh well you’re the expert on the databases”, or “Well I don’t know as much about that area of the product but this is what I think, what do you think?” and “Let me know how you feel about my ideas! :) ” or “Let me know if you have suggestions for how else we can go about this! :) ” Everyone values each-others input and there’s a real feeling of comradeship, teamwork, and respect. It’s great to feel like you really have something to contribute if you have special knowledge, and it’s great to be respected for what you can bring to a project at work, or for an expertise, which you’ll almost certainly end up developing over time in development, especially if there’s a certain language or type of project that really gets you passionate at the start.

Can always grow/ go new places/ go anywhere

There are so many options in a developer’s career. As an indecisive person it can make my head spin sometimes when I try to think exactly what direction I want my career to take, but as someone with a lot of interests it also makes me glad to know I can always explore new dimensions of the industry. From government jobs, to startups, to contract work, to open source, to future managerial possibilities, to starting your own business, or going to grad school. There are just a whole world of possibilities for career options in computer science/ computer engineering, and you can always learn more if you’re ever bored with where you are. There’s always more to learn and new exciting technology to explore :)

Entrepreneurial spirit of the industry

Since my second year at Carleton when I was exposed to a few startup companies in Ottawa I’ve thought that starting my own company was something I wanted to do eventually. I’ve seen other Carleton graduates succeed at it and after working on a 48 hour coding competition to make a game for Windows phone 7 (the Great Canadian Appathon), I know that when I’m working with friends on something we designed and came together to create, I can work tirelessly for days and it doesn’t ever feel like work. I know I’m not alone in catching the startup bug either. It’s something that comes from being a part of an industry where the product is completely digital (so no building materials or shipping or packaging costs to worry about), the industry can change so quickly that being a small and agile company has major advantages, you can be personally involved in all aspects of the creation of your product from start to finish (entrepreneurs like to have control), and the impact your service could have on society seems only limited by your imagination. I say seems because a lot of developers feel like once they build an amazing product people will just come use it, and aren’t used to the marketing/customer service side of the industry. As someone who has always been fascinated with human behavior and motivation, with a minor in psychology, who’s a big people person, I’m also passionate about how people are going to use and react to software so I love all sides of the process of getting an idea from someone’s head, on to people’s computers, and into their lives.

Things I Love About/ Advantages of Being A Woman in The Industry

You are well liked because you bring an energy that’s missing

Before I came to University to study computer science in a program with a girl guy ratio of 1 to 9 (not even: women make up 7% of my program a percentage that’s gone down since the 80′s when the percentage was closer to around 45%) I was in an arts HS with a girl guy ratio of 7 to 1, and I notice now that the guys in our school were very well liked, whereas in computer science the girls are more well liked, and I’m not just talking about crushes here, there’s just an energy that’s missing when a population is heavily dominated by one sex, the dynamic is out of balance, and people are drawn to the energy that’s missing. In HS I couldn’t wait to get to university because I wanted to have tons of guy friends, I wanted buddies to joke around with, I’d had enough of talking with girlfriends about feelings, of shopping and sleepovers, after a couple of years of comp sci, I got sick of having so many guy friends (not that I got sick of the friends I had :P ) and started trying to make more girlfriends outside my program to balance my life. That’s just how it is. Whether by nature or nurture, male and female friendships have a different quality to them and we need both in our life. I’m very grateful for all the wonderful friendships I’ve made in my program and in my industry :)

Men compete more agressively with other men they work with

If you’re a woman this means less butting heads or trying to show each-other up on teams who’s members should be co-operating, and smooth sailing in general. Generally once people get older I think they’re more mature and secure so everyone is more supportive and less competitive with each-other in general, but they’ll still compete more with each-other which makes co-operation easier for women in the field. This isn’t because they don’t think you can hold your own. They’re not going easy on you. It’s evolutionary for men and women to compete more with members of the same sex.

I love that I have an unexpected occupation

I get some surprised looks when I tell people I’m a software developer and I know what you’re saying, “Lana maybe they’d be surprised if you were a guy too!”, and yes maybe they would have, it doesn’t always have to do with gender, but it may have something to do with it considering the very low number of women in the industry. When someone says “Wow!…wow good for you!” I’d never be upset by it. They didn’t expect me to be a programmer because people use mental heuristics to try and guess my profession, mental shortcuts, which usually work well. I’m a woman and so chances are you’d be better off not guessing that I’m a programmer if you want to have the best chances of winning the guessing game, but to see someone ask me if I work at the mall, while I put my makeup on on the buss and then get to see their face as they question their assumption, is just a lot of fun for me, especially as a feminist. Never make assumptions about people :P Not even yourself :P

Compliments/ not hard to find a date

A guy friend of mine, in computer science, gave me this one: “Computer Science: the odds are good but the goods are odd” While this is pretty funny, to be blunt, you’d find just as odd goods in any of the other more gender balanced sciences, like chemistry or bio, but in comp sci you don’t have other women to compete with. Seriously though the guys in my program are some of my favorite people in the world, there are a lot more cool down to earth computer nerds out there than you’d think, and if you’re intimidated by the gender ratio, just remember, a lot of them are more afraid of you than you are of them, so extend an olive branch to one or two and you’ll have at worst a guy who stalks you but also makes you feel good about that freshman 15 you put on, or a douche who you quickly get over because all the guys around you are asking you why you’re dating his douche ass, or at best a lifelong friend, or a lifelong partner. :) Maybe even a business partner if you’ve caught the startup bug. Either way most of the guys in my program are wonderful intelligent fun and creative people, so this is just a bonus worth mentioning.

Being able to act like a total dork and get praised for it

I’ve always been nerd at heart. You wouldn’t know it if you passed me on the street or saw me out with my girls but if you could see how I am on the inside I’d probably look like a skinny teenage boy with braces and really thick glasses, and it shows when I’m with my guy friends. I’m a music nerd, I’m a comic book nerd, I’m a psychology nerd, I’m a Youtube nerd, I’m a video-game nerd, I’m a book nerd, and a very proud computer science nerd, and I let out quite a snort sometimes when I laugh, and I snort a lot around the guys in comp sci :P I feel like we’re all one big nerdy family, I love it, I’ve never laughed harder or spoke more freely, candidly, or passionately with any other group of people. These guys are my soul-mates :P Why is this under the advantages of being a woman in computer science? Why not stick it with things I love in general? Because I think it’s really good for me, as a woman to be around guys who couldn’t care less if I was wearing any makeup, around guys who wouldn’t notice the difference if you died your hair red, blonde, lost 20 pounds or gained 20, guys who don’t care about social graces or which other crowd you’re friends with, around guys who make you feel like you can be yourself, even if that means you feel like swearing like a sailor, not doing your hair that day, and snorting really REALLY loud when you laugh just cuz you feel like acting a little crazy, because I think us girls need to learn to love ourselves, more unconditionally, and worry less about our image/appearance and more about what we can do with our lives. These guys want to hear if I’m working on a software project or learning to play ukulele, because that’s cool and fun, they don’t want to hear it if I buy new clothes or get new makeup, they’ll just compliment you whether you have makeup on or not. They’re chicken soup for the female soul :P :)

My ambitions are not just for myself. I want to succeed for other women/girls

I think I’m naturally a very ambitious person, not in a power hungry or status hungry sort of way, just in that everything I’ve wanted to do in my life I’ve wanted to be the best at it, I’ve wanted to do something great with it, even if no one but my family is going to see it, I want it to have an impact. I want whatever I do to create something awesome and moving. I also have a deeply rooted sense of fairness and justice and if I see something that runs up against that it upsets me a great deal. I won’t ever become upset to the point where I let it invade my life in a negative way and I’m a very balanced and grounded person, but as Martin Luther King said “True peace is not merely the absence of tension, it is the presence of justice.” I think that there are a lot of leftover outdated attitudes in our society from the women’s movement and before it, that go unnoticed and effect women and men for the worse. When men and women are offered a salary, men will reject it and ask for more 8 times more often than women. In fields like nursing that are dominated by women people are underpaid, and men avoid them, in fields like computer science and engineering we’re paid more and women avoid them, and I know that these things won’t just naturally balance out without effort, because when you act unconsciously in your life, imbalances don’t just go away, they’re self perpetuating, and it’s the same thing with society.

Salary is a big deal. How much we think we can/should make is about how much we think we’re worth to the world, and it’s a sensitive topic, which is why people don’t like to talk about it, but I’m someone who craves real conversations with strangers, I want to talk about things like this because it matters so much, which is why I’m writing so much in this post :P . If you’re a woman and you make a conscious effort to keep yourself aware that the guy next to you is asking for a higher salary 8 times as often, and that you’re worth just as much, and you make a conscious effort to do the same thing, which is not easy at all for most women, then the difference in money you’ll have made over your lifetime by the time you retire is in the millions, but even better than that if you can think about the difference it would make if you end up being the first woman to start a tech company that makes such a significant impact on the industry that your face is on the cover of Time and all the IT and business magazines and that gives little girls something to stick on their walls instead of the fashion models on all the covers of all the magazines they’re used to seeing women on, that’s not just an ambitious goal that’s revolutionary, that’s an Obama moment just waiting to happen that some woman is going to get to have. Don’t you want to be the woman to make that moment possible? You can be. If you pursue a career in computer science or engineering ;) haha obvious plug right there :P but that’s why I’m so passionate about my industry, all the opportunity and all the frontiers out there just waiting for whoever is brave enough to take them :)

Hope that you enjoyed the reasons I love software development, and I also hope that you’re a young girl and this got you to thinking about where you want your post secondary education to take you, and maybe that you’ll pick computer science or engineering :)

If I’ve left an advantage out or if you disagree with anything I’ve said let me know :) I always love a good discussion about these things :)

Shalom! :)

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Happy International Women’s Day :D + Good Quotes

So it’s IWD today :D and I was copying out all my quotes from my MSN space that I put there in HS, now that MSN is getting rid of their spaces, and there were a lot of feminist quotes and bits of feminist ideals in my old blog posts from when I was a teenager.

I really enjoyed reading them again so I thought I’d put some of them up here for Women’s Day :D

First, I wanted to share a snippet of a blog I wrote, when I discovered Sinead O’Connor.

“Claim to fame: Sinead O’Connor is a Grammy Award winning singer/songwriter who rose to fame with her hit single ”Nothing Compares 2 U”. She continues to make music to this day.
She did what?!: In 1992, Sinead appeared on Saturday Night Live and took a political turn with her career. Not only did she change the lyrics to her Bob Marley cover of ”War” – she also presented an image of Pope John Paul II to the camera while singing the words ”evil”. She intended to protest against sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic Church through her lyrics and went as far as to tear up the picture of the Pope and said ”fight the real enemy”. This moment in television history is still considered one of the most controversial moment in music history.” (credit: Paul Natkin/WireImage)

Frigin amasing! Wow! She has balls! lol I love to see outspoken women!! This just makes my day :)

Nothing compares to you(her famous song):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO8JWbG6bVw&feature=related

No Man’s Woman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JYj3N2XWNk&feature=related
I know it’s a little extreme but I still love it haha leave it up to my feminist brain :P , Especially the part at the start where she’s running from the churtch and then when she’s reborn and spining around with the guitar, and when she says “My friends think I’m alone, but I’ve got secrets. I don’t tell everything bout the love I get. I’ve got a loving man but he’s a spirit. He never does me harm never treats me bad. He never takes away all the love he has” (refrence to God.. I’m asuming lol). mm Beautifull :) I love all the running lol makes me wanna go for a run :)
(8)I never wanna be no man’s woman! I only wanna be my own woman! I havn’t travelled this far to become, no man’s woman. No man’s woman, no man’s woman!(8)
I gotta get this onto my iPod lol

The blog reminds me of when I was just coming into my own and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside seeing all of the influences I tried to soak up as that was happening. There are a lot of different song lyrics too on the blog like Put Your Records On and Suddenly I See, and different quotes like the ones bellow that really remind me of my passion and idealism in it’s more raw form from when I was younger :D

Hope you enjoy these :)

FEMINIST QUOTES

“I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat” -Rebecca West, 1913

“Independence is happiness.” -Susan B. Anthony

“Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade.” -Constance Baker Motley (First African American Woman to become a Federal Judge in the U.S.)

“For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.”-Elizabeth Blackwell (The first woman in the U.S. to become a physician)

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” -Gloria Steinem

“People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me.” -Princess Diana

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.” -Janis Joplin

“Squint your eyes and look closer I’m not between you and your ambition I am a poster girl with no poster I am thirty-two flavors and then some and I’m beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head…” -Ani Difranco

“The day will come when men wil recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then,wil there be the perfect comradeship,the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race” -Susan B. Anthony

“In every girl is a goddess. ” -Francesca Lia Block

QUOTES

“For myself, I am an optimist – It does not seem to be much use being anything else.” -Winston Churchill

“People with many interests live, not only longest, but happiest.” -George Matthew Allen

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” -Albert Einstein

“I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.” -Karl Wilhelm Von Humboldt

“Never does a man portray his character more vividly than his proclaiming the character of another.”-W.Churchill

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” -Dr. Dale E. Turner

“Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. ” -Oscar Wilde

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.” -Louisa May Alcott

“It’s so clear that you have to cherish everyone. I think that’s what I get from these older black women, that every soul is to be cherished, that every flower is to bloom.” -Alice Walker

“To acquire love… fill yourself up with it until you become a magnet.” -Charles Haanel

“To some the idea of giving so much love to self will seem very cold hard and unmerciful. Still…may be seen in a different light,when we find that looking out for#1, as directed by the Infinite,…..is the only way2permanently benefit#2″ -Prentice Mulford

“…the moment you decide that what you know is more important than what you’ve been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance. Success comes from within, not from without.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.” -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude.” -Wallace Wattles

“Keep working hard and you can get anything that you want. If God gave you the talent, you should go for it. But don’t think it’s going to be easy. It’s hard!Always be true to yourself”-Aaliyah

“The heart that loves is forever young” -Greek Proverb, Greek ppl are smart *nods head* haha (I’m half Greek)

“The greatest threat to knowledge is not ignorance. The greatestthreat to knowledge is the illusion of knowledge.” -Unknown

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” -James Thurber

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” -Buddha

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come whenlife seems most chalenging.” -Joseph Campbell

“In a universe of infinite dimensions, every point is the absolute center. You are such a point” -Hans Decoz

“We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respectthat of others, without fearing it.” -Thomas Jefferson 1793

“Improving our own attitudes and our own state of mind takes time. Haste and impatience can only defeat our purposes.” -from This is Al-Anon

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be?”-Marianne Williamson

“Look at every path closely and deliberately. try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question…Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.” -Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. ” -Aldous Huxley

“I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding” -John O’ Donohue

“I always say, when the voice and the conviction on the inside becomes more profound, clear, and loud than the opinions on the outside, you’ve mastered your life!” -Dr. John Demartini

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” -Marcus Aurelius

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” -William Feather

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Posted in Feminism, Music I Like | Leave a comment

Feel Good Music

So a few days ago I was cleaning up my room when I stumbled upon a bunch of cassette tapes and thought I’d give them a listen. Among some of the things that made me smile were a recording of my old vocal teacher, teaching my HS friend her part of a duet we were learning. It was kind of a cat opera song where all the words were Meow. We loved that duet. That brought back some good memories of HS. I know I was a music nerd lol

Then I found a song I’d written in middle school, and recorded so that I could remember how it went. It was just so cute, my voice was really soft and quiet back then. The lyrics went like this “Do you really think that heaven sent her? You’ve been running on a broken lender. So go ahead return to sender, and make it good. Take all of this love I’m sending, and go work on your heaven pending, even if it’s broke and mending, ohohoh and make it good. Make it good.” The first part sounds a little confusing. It’s pretty much about a destructive relationship, broken lender would be his/her heart. It’s called Make it Good. It’s a couple of half finished verses but I thought it was sweet :) Made me smile. :) <3

The other thing I found was a tape with a bunch of Paul Simon songs on it. I found that tape in our house, when I was little, and fell in love with the music :) I just remember dancing in my room to my Paul Simon tape, bringing my tape player all around the house and listening to it all day :P Those songs are such feel good music for me :) . Diamonds on the soles of her shoes, The myth of fingerprints, That was your mother, I know what I know, Graceland. I’ve stumbled on a lot of music, that makes me feel good lately so I thought I’d make another blog in my music category and list all the music here :D

Ruslana: Dance with the wolvesAll these songs are a bit random lol I really like this woman. She’s Ukrainian but the dancing and themes in her music remind me of Greek…ness haha I love Greek dancing. I don’t know a lot about Greek history, and I don’t speak a lot of Greek, but I know a lot of my passion in life comes from my Greek blood, and every summer since I was a little girl when I dance at Greekfest in Ottawa the music and the dancing with the moon above everything, sets my heart on fire with joy…as cheese as I made that sound haha, that’s how I feel about it :) . Her music is inspired by the traditions of the Hutsul people of the Carpathian Mountains. I found this song right after I had a crazy wolf dream. In the dream I was attacked by a wild wolf and then I became wild too and the wolf left me alone acknowledging me as one of it’s own. Makes the song special for me :) I love empowering songs. :)

Kesha: Heart Fall OutI love the fact that Kesha grew up on music and food stamps, and lived in her car when she was trying to promote herself as an artist. If you don’t know her background look it up it’s a pretty cool story. I think her upbringing gives her a lack of pretentiousness that I find refreshing :) “Don’t let your heart fall out, it’s the only thing you’ve got” Wise words, from someone who’s had nothing in this world but heart and knows it’s enough :) That’s how I see it :)

Jo Dee Messina: I’m AlrightI broke up with my boyfriend a little bit ago, and I’ve been feeling down since then. Was a little low at work the other day and this song came on. Now I hum it whenever I feel sad and it cheers me up :)

Bless Beats ft. Remi Nicole, Wiley and Plug One: Let It Go

Rascal Flatts: Love is UnstopableHeard this in the tanning salon and had to look it up later :) <3 Love IS unstoppable! :D

Pink: 18 WheelerOne of the 20 most played songs on my iPod. Great running song. Makes me feel invincible. Lets me run that extra half mile lol

Paul Simon: I know what I knowWOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!! Hahaha :D

Howard Huntsberry: Higher and HigherHad to watch Ghostbusters 1 and 2 before I played the video-game. Btw I’m disappointed with that game cuz even if you pick the female character the dialog doesn’t change, they call you he in the cut scenes. Sux. Love the statue of liberty scene in GB2 though :) <3 I can’t not dance when I hear this :P

Marry J Blige: Just FineAnother one of the 20 most played on my iPod :) This song just makes me feel amazing :) I love it :) God bless Marry J for making such good muzak <3

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The meaning of a “Girl”

A bunch of feminist-esque songs with the word girl in the tittle :) Enjoy!

Madona: What it Feels Like For a GirlI put up the Glee version, because it really touched me when I heard the guys from the cast sing it, when I watched the episode :)

Corine Bailey Ray: Girl Put Your Records OnI found a video on YouTube where the name had girl in it so it counts :P and it’s a live acoustic performance so it’s just that much better :)  These lyrics are words of wisdom if ever there were any. To me modern feminism is a very positive thing, that’s farther from the past than, I think, most people think it is. It’s something I do just for me. It’s me trying to adapt a way of being and thinking that sets me free in life. Free from expectations I might have about myself or I think other people might have for me. Something that lets me “let my hair down” like the song says :) Just to be conscious of expectations, and avoid any influence that doesn’t serve my life’s purpose and make me happy. I support other women, just like I support my male friends. Feminism is about equality. There was a guest on an old game-show who introduced herself saying “I’m an Aerospace Engineer and a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys. Some people think outside the box, I just like to live outside it :) ” To me that’s what modern feminism is all about; Not letting yourself get boxed in :)

Sugarbabes: GirlsThis whole thing started when I heard this song in a shampoo commercial and had to look it up online. I love running to these Sugarbabes songs. Feel good music <3

Sugarbabes: About a Girl:D

Robyn: Who’s that girlI love Robyn. Her song “You can’t handle me” is one of my favs :) Remember her from the 90′s? Show me love? She got away from her record label after that so she could have more artistic freedom, started doing small shows at first, then larger ones, then made her own record label :) Love to see a woman stepping out on her own :)

Marina and the Diamons: Girls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7ALR8m2IbQ&feature=related

I love this song. I’m def one of the guys sometimes :P When I was little I liked vediogames and snowforts more than hanging out with girls who could sometimes be vicious. I’ve known a lot of sweet girls growing up too, but I would sometimes get bored playing with girls :P I have a lot of wonderfull women in my life now :) I think I got in touch with my feminine side later in life :P but I still like hanging out with my boys :)

I’ve never counted calories, and I hate it when other girls/ women do it.  I don’t really judge ppl who read fashion magazines though. I’ve never bought one but to each their own. I pay more attention to fashion now that I’m older, and love to shop, so I can understand the appeal. I don’t like it though, when I see girls at the gym, on the ellipticals, reading magazines while they work out. Are you so bored? You’re not really breaking a sweat if you can leaf through a magazine at the same time! I love to really push myself when I work out. I love the rush of it. I just don’t understand going to the gym just to burn calories. The gym would not be a happy place for me, if I went there to burn fat. I wouldn’t go to the gym if I was so bored that I needed to listen to music AND browse a magazine WHILE working out, those are for waiting rooms lol.

Nope, no calorie counting/ burning for me. I love food, I eat what I want, when I want, and I work out when I want to have fun and feel healthy. I’ve always put emphasis on having a positive relationship with food. I hate seeing women torture themselves because they want to eat. YOU’RE HUNGRY! EAT SOMETHING! It keeps you alive! I’ve never been on a diet in my life. Back in HS after I started working at a bakery, I put on a whole lot of weight. I was in a really good place at the time and gratefully I was just able to accept and love my new size. Whatever size I am is perfect, unless it’s causing me health problems. When I started taking gym class again, still in HS, it was just something to try. I was actually kind of sad to lose the weight I did, at first, because I really came to love my larger curvier self. Funny how that “eye of the beholder” stuff works. Then I started to love exercise. I got really athletic and more muscular in my first year of university, I had almost no curves, but came to see that as beautiful, because I had a positive relationship with the training I loved to do, and I loved to be strong. It’s not like I haven’t had times where I thought hhmm look at those love handles :(  but it’s very important for me in life, to love what I am, and not try to change that, and that’s a big part of what feminism is about for me.

Marina and the Diamonds (Marina Diamandis) is awesome.”the diamonds” stands for her fans, not her band! :) It’s also the translation of her last name from Greek. Yay! another Greek feminist woman. I love her :)  She has a lot of other more interesting stuff out there. Check out some of her videos if you want here(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwfCjYv7gVQ&feature=related,   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_oMD6-6q5Y&feature=channel,   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1VTcJfL7RE&feature=channel,   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1t77mkzVko)

Destiny’s Child: GirlClasic <3 I love this one.

No Doubt: I’m just a girlAnother classic :)

City and Colour: The GirlThis is kind of an appropriate song for mother’s day too, if you listen to some of the lyrics :) I love this song :) HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I LOVE YOU MOM! <3 Love to your mother internet! :)

Ciara ft T-Pain: Go GirlAnother feel good song. I love running to this :) I can hang, and I think that’s why they call me GO GIRL! :D

Pink: Stupid GirlsHow can I not include this song into this post. I love Pink. Loved her ever since I got her debut album in middle school <3

Nikki Flores: This GirlJust found this song for this blog. Such a beautiful song. It’s cheesy but I loved the lyrics when I looked them up. If you don’t want to have to suffer through the cheese here are the lyrics alone :P  http://www.lyricsmania.com/this_girl_lyrics_nikki_flores.html If you’re watching the lyrics in the youtube video: Once upon a time = one step at a time. That bugs me cuz I love that line and there isn’t a single posting of this song on youtube that didn’t have the wrong lyrics in it haha

Shalom internets, and happy mother’s day :)

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Positive POWER :D

I did that group meditation webinar thing today, and it really got me feeling good, so my first thing I’m passionate about, that I want to talk about, is self help and the power of positive thinking. If you read my last post you might have been wondering why I put emphasis on positive thinking/meditation in my list of goals. Here’s a few quotes that I think can help describe it :)

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. ALBERT SCHWEITZER

The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration. CLAUDE MONET

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.JAMES OPPENHEIM

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.HELEN KELLER

I really believe in the power of thoughts, energies, and beliefs, in effecting the quality of our lives. This might sound a little out there, and I don’t mean in any way that hard work isn’t necessary or important in life, but I really believe in the phenomenon described in the book The Secret. It basically says that if you don’t expect good things to happen to you, if you expect the worst and you operate on a low frequency (fear, doubt, guilt, wanting, regret) then bad things are going to happen to you, but if you expect good things from the universe and operate on a higher frequency (love, joy, gratitude, forgiveness, trust) then good things that match your thoughts and your frequency will be drawn into your life. I’d experienced this phenomenon in a very large way just before I heard about the book, so I was quite open minded about it when I bought/read the book, back in High School.

Just after reading The Secret, I thought “Hey! I think I’ll give this a try :) “, so I looked at what it said about summoning wealth into your life, and asking the universe for something tangible but small at first, something you think is doable. So I tried to “summon” a free cup of coffee to see if it would work. So, I do what the book says about visualizing the goal as if I already have it. I imagine the coffee in my hands, the smell, the taste, and how excited I am that I got a free cup of coffee, and I say thank you for it. I go about my life saying thank you for every new day, practicing gratitude and keeping my frequency up, and nothing was happening for about a week. Then I re-read one part of the book that says that you can’t think about ways the thing could come to you, because that’s showing the universe that you doubt it can bring the thing to you. I realized I’d been thinking a lot about how my coffee was going to get to me “OMG What’s going to happen? Is my teacher going to decide he doesn’t want his and give it away? How is this even going to happen?” so I stopped that and just put it out of my mind, and kept doing the gratitude thing :) . Then, I think 3-7 days after I did that, this woman comes into my work with a bunch of kids, and she’s just come from the Mac’s across the street. So I serve her, and then I’m cleaning up the front of the store a bit when my co-worker turns to me and says “Hey she forgot her coffee.” and I just gasped. I think the girl I was working with must have thought I was crazy haha. I said “Omg you don’t understand! I summoned that!” haha The coffee was unopened XL filled to the brim with my favorite French Vanilla from Mac’s. No one had ever left a coffee in that bakery in the year I’d been working there, and no one ever did again, in the other year and a half that I worked there. I was dumbfounded. She never came back for the coffee. I didn’t drink it but the experience gave me more faith in the stuff, so I figured I’d try to see if something bigger would work, because the belief in it is supposed to make summoning easier.

So my next goal was going to be 2000$. Now, the secret has a few pointers on summoning money, so I read them, then went ahead and took a bank receipt that I had. My balance was 300 and some dollars at the time, and I stuck a two in front of it on the receipt. I looked at it and I convinced myself it was real. I let myself feel the emotions of surprise and joy and gratitude, like the book says too, as if you already have the money. The important part is to really feel the emotion of having the thing so I really got into it. I think I almost cried with joy haha. Then I put the new receipt in my purse where I could see it, and went through my life still practicing gratitude every day. A few weeks later I find out that the government owed me money and that it had been backing up. 200$ a month for about a year at the time. So before I got the check in the mail my bank account was down to about 100$…and then after cashing it…it was almost EXACTLY the amount on my pretend receipt (2300 and some)

After THAT I freaked out and never used the Secret for anything specific again haha. I was still really greatfull for the money but I just felt weird about the whole magic of it. I mean you need to earn what you get in life right? I think though, that sometimes in life you need to allow yourself to accept blessings, and that can, ironically, be very hard. It’s hard for people to accept love sometimes, or gifts, or help from a friend who wants to invest time in them. I think the fact that I’m Greek means I have a little bit of guilt in my blood. It’s taken me a while to realize that guilt can be destructive and useless. Being humble that’s fine, and feeling remorse if you’ve wronged someone, and respecting your elders, and the people you work for and your teachers, practicing hard work, and respecting those who work hard, those are all good values, but if you make a mistake, it doesn’t help anyone to be hard on yourself about it, or dragging that out. Forgiving yourself is important for moving on to generate more positive things in the world, and you can’t forgive others completely unless you can completely forgive yourself, and It doesn’t help anyone anywhere to think you don’t deserve the best life you can have. So I think that I need to start building up my expectations of the universe again.

To make things clear my plan is NOT to wish myself a good job, and I really have LOVED the minimum wage jobs I’ve done. I’m well aware of the work I need to be doing if I’m going to find a job, and I know that if I had wanted something like a government job, I should have starting hunting for one in December. I never put off job hunting thinking I could just snap my fingers and one would come. I meant to start much earlier, but now that I haven’t, I’m realizing in my job hunting that it’s important I still make sure that I get some experience that’s actually related to my career before I finish my degree, and maybe cut myself some more slack and not work myself to the bone, 7 days a week, like my last summer. I’d take a min wage job on the side if I started working for a startup for free and I couldn’t find a waitressing job. There’s nothing wrong with doing min wage work. I just want to see if practicing more positive thinking can HELP me attract more wealth into my life.

In the end what I took away from my “The Secret” experience was that what frequency of energy you’re on can greatly effect your life and that gratitude is the highest and most wonderful frequency to be on, and being on that frequency brings more of what you want and what you need into your life :) and not just money or stuff you ask for, it atracts better friends and better relationships with family members, and better health and wealth in general into your life :) All things I think some people have trouble realizing they deserve sometimes.

As important as it is to love yourself and accept blessings in life it is just as important though to stay grounded, which is why I think I stepped back from that Secret stuff when I did, so here are some quotes about happiness that are a little different from the first ones to put them in perspective. :)

I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. ALBERT SCHWEITZER

( About the above quote: Taking simple pleasure in hard work helps bring you on to a higher frequency so it still fits in with the philosophy that the book talks about :) it’s not all about just asking for free stuff and I think the book doesn’t work for people who look at it like that )

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. BENJAMIN DISRAELI

Hope you guys enjoyed this blog and don’t think I’m crazy for believing this stuff haha. Just talking about my personal experiences, and what I took away from them. You can not believe I summoned any of that stuff, that’s fine. I respect the beliefs of anyone who disagrees with me. Just plz don’t judge me for mine. How weak minded of me to look for mystery and something to be in awe of in my life :P lol

OMG Why can’t I NOT write a giant essay when I do this blogging thing! It’s 2:47 and I gotta get up at 6:30 :S No hour of reading for me tonight :( Too long for yall? what’d you think?

Picture comes from Pink Sherbert Photography http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/296413352/in/set-72157601583318576/ this is another cool similar picture with different translations for happiness :)

Good night and shalom :D All the blessings in the world to you and yours :)

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The Start of Something Beautiful

Hi there internet! :D

My name is Lana, and I’m so excited to start this blog! :)  I’m a 4th year Computer Science student with a psych minor (mostly social and cog). I love writing songs and poems. Grew up taking piano, then going through choirs, then went to an arts hs for vocal and then ended up doing comp sci in Uni. Who would have thunk it. If I ever did music as a job I think it would ruin it for me. Some things are just better as a hobby.

I’m unemployed right now and I really want to use this blog to sharpen my focus, both in my job hunting and just in how I live my life. Last year I put off job hunting till exams were over (just like this year :S) I couldn’t find a tech job but I really didn’t try hard enough. I think I’m nervous to do interviews. I love going to talks and conferences and I always have a lot of opinions on the talks I go to, but I never really speak up and talk to speakers after. A lot of people pester them after and I don’t want to be like that. If there are recruiters at a conference I’m always nervous to talk to them too. My lack of job experience def makes me nervous. I think that almost every comp sci student is under qualified for most jobs they start at though. You just have to learn while you’re there. You have to be smart and adaptable. To be frank I think that a lot of the time getting your foot in the door depends on how well you can bullshit what you already know though. I’ve definitely herd guys talking about things they didn’t really understand like they were pros at it. Whether it be security in general, cryptography, or some new technology the last company they were working at was developing. I feel like I’d make a valuable asset to any company and I need to start going harder at selling myself. I’ve got to really want it, because I have some amazing strengths. I’m really good at solving hard problems in assignments, I see things other people don’t, I have special usability testing skills from my psych degree, and a whole lot of knowledge on what motivates people from it that would be great in sales. I’m a big people person and I’m better at communication than a lot of the people in my degree.

This summer I’m gonna do things differently :) No giving up on a tech job no losing focus and no minimum wage panic. Last year I worked two min wage jobs and had to turn away waitressing jobs I wanted later. I’m not paying rent, I have money saved up, and right now I need to look at the time that I’m unemployed as an opportunity to learn and do things that I don’t usually have time for, and get myself back in touch with my life’s purpose :) This article was part of the kick in the pantshttp://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/hearst-article.aspx?cp-documentid=22019389 “You never want a serious crisis to go to waste — and what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things you thought you could not do before.” quote from the article talking about people who are unemployed/laid off because of the depression. I’m taping that article to the inside of my closet :) It’s got some great points.

I’ve lost touch a bit lately with my motivation/ life’s purpose and I’ve really got to rectify it. I really can’t wait to start my career. I like school but I don’t work as hard as I would if there were any immediate consequences for my work, and I really like it when I work hard and get a big hunk of code I can be proud of. In school no one’s going to see the work you do, or need it for anything, so I need to remind myself what all this is for.

So here’s my goals :)

1.Learn HTML and then PHP:

Every day starting tomorrow I’m going to devote three hours of my day entirely to this. Turning the msn off and putting the blackberry on silent! Lets see how fast I can do this :) If the added skill doesn’t get me a job then maybe if I find my way around web dev with the help of some friends I could find some clients on my own :) I think that after I’m comfortable with web dev I should keep learning ruby on rails (I started reading Ruby on Rails for dummies but never finished that project :P ) and also try to look into doing open source

2. Learn more about IT companies in Ottawa:

So this is partly for the job hunting and partly for my own education. Maybe there’s a company that really does something I connect with that I’ll want to hound until they let me work for them :) I think I should look at at least one company a day now and try to research them and find out about their work environment and what they do. Another step for this is by at least this Friday I’m going to step into Code Factory with a few generic tech resumes and ask about startups that are looking for students to work for them. Or any other companies who use their space. Startups mostly don’t pay anything but I would work for free if the job really excited me or I really like the people, and it’s a good way to just learn about more companies.

3.Finish all the books that I’ve half read:

So I’m pretty ridiculous like this. I don’t know about you, but I have a hella short attention span when it comes to books. It wasn’t like this when I was younger, I’d eat books up, but now I just jump around like 5 of them, so I decided that I’m gonna do an hour of reading before bed every night and get some of these finished. First book Good to Great Making the leap. By Jim Collins. This book has been my favorite book in the world for like a year now and I still haven’t finished it, don’t ask me how. Gettin ’er done. By the way, check it out. It’s a fascinating piece of research and compilation of business theories about what it takes to have a great company. Not good, but great. I think the standard in their research was great = companies that had at least 7 times the market value of their industry at the time. It’s not all numbers though it’s got a lot of valuable lessons about life, attitude and responsibility. I love that book :)

4. Get back in shape:

I think I’m probably in the worst shape I’ve been in since I started university, so I’m running two miles at least three times a week. Jogged/walked/ran my first 2 this morning. Took me 30 minutes which isn’t that bad but when I was in better shape I could do 3miles in that time so I think I’m going to make that my goal for the next couple weeks.

5.DELETE THE FB GAMES!!:

I wont have time to do any of these things if I spend too much time on FB and I need to cut down on outside stimulants if I want my focus and creative energy back. I’ve been spending way too much time on FB games all of last semester starting around midterms and it’s gotten pretty bad. Totally a symptom of me wanting more adventure/ achievements/ missions which I mean that’s why anyone plays any game. Now that I have real life goals set for myself to focus on I’m not going to waste any time on the virtual ones! You guys this is pretty big, I mean my Zoo in zoo-world is worth 600Mill …that’s very impressive in case you didn’t know lol ok so Deleting Zooworld, Treasure isle and happy island RIGHT NOW! ….THEY ARE DELETED! Yay purging :) that felt good :)

6.Meditating / feeding  my creative energy

I just need to get myself in a clear focused creative head-space and I have the time and space to do that now. Now that all the FB games are gone and also half of my youtube subscriptions that were wasting my time that should help. I’m doing this webinar in a couple days too about increasing positive energy and releasing blocks on positive energy. There’s going to be a bunch of people meditating at the same time, so it sounds pretty cool. I’m also going to eat breakfast in silence now instead of watching recorded shows. No listening to music while I do stuff unless it’s The Beatles, James Taylor, or Jack Johnson. Don’t ask me why these three, I just think they’re mellow enough not to overstimulate me lol Also I’m going to talk about things I’m passionate about on here once every two days :)

7.Learn guitar:

Ok so a couple months ago I read one of my poems out loud for the first time at a coffeehouse at Carleton that a friend was helping to organize. It was such a rush!!! I was nervous as hell but it made me soo happy. I really miss singing and performing and I think if I could learn guitar and take some of the songs I’ve written and play them with it I could maybe work up the courage to do one of my songs at a coffee house :D You might think it’s weird that I’d have to work up the courage to sing in public after doing it so many times. It’s really different if it’s something you’ve written yourself though. You kinda feel naked. This one I’ll get around to whenever the Boy lends me his guitar :)

The poem is up on the Women in Science and Engineering (WISE) blog from when I was an officer for them: http://cuwise.blogspot.com/2009/08/mantra-of-amazing-woman.html

Rehearsing the poem really helped remind me of some important things I’d forgotten lately too <3

8.Driver’s ED:

FINALLY!! :O I start taking drivers ed every Saturday in a couple of weeks :)

9. Don’t lose touch with friends while I do this :P

I didn’t see my friends enough last summer so I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again. So this Friday I think I’m going to start by having lunch with my friend Rovic and I’m having a girl’s night/sleepover :) If I’m in the city more it’ll help with this too. There’s a lot of ppl I’ve been meaning to grab lunch with so I might just start going in to town every morning :)

Well I’m off to bed because it’s 4:42am…my next goal should be to get to bed and wake up earlier. I promise that my posts will get more concise from here on out :P This entry was maybe more for me to help list my goals out :) I find it’s nice though to hear about other people’s goals. It sometimes inspires you to reach your own.

Goodnight <3 and Shalom :)

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